Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
