it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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