My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
