i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
