Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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