I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
