Sponge bath it is.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
