is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
