i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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