went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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