so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
