On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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