Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize