i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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