He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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