Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
