I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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