Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
