my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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