At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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