I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
