I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
