Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Help. Why am I so naked?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
