I wish you could order shots online.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
