If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just gift wrapped bread.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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