I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
sex in a hospital.. check
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
