he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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