I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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