He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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