My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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