We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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