no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
