She went from zero to smokin in five shots
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
