we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
