I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
