I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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