she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My life is pants optional.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
