If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
