apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
