it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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