I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
