Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
