Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
