The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
