in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
