I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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