I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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