You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
