I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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