I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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