If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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