plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
