I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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