I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i love accidental penises.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
