Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
