sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
