Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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