YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
