I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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