What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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