If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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