I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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